Recently my 19 years old daughter came home with a new term, white washed. She told me you know mum it is really hard to find a guy like us, white washed. I was like it can’t be that hard? my guess was whitewashed is someone not traditional.

Only when I googled the term that’s when I realised what it was. Used as a derogatory term to mean someone of a minority race that has assimilated into western society. In saying that it doesn’t mean that they have abandoned their own culture.

I asked her why is it so hard? She replied they are either FOBs (fresh of the boat) meaning new Australians or they come from really traditional family. I laughed well that’s easily done you just have to go find a boy that’s like us? comes from a family like us? can’t be that hard?

Thinking back I did marry a traditional guy. Yes his family have been here roughly the same time as mine, yes we are both first generation Australian yet he was brought up traditional.

You know the type that carries the groceries for their mums. The ones where the mums does everything pretty much to the point of spoon feeding them and I mean spoon feeding.

I remembered he took me home to visit his parents once and his mum sat there at the table with all the food laid out for her darling son. I swear if I wasn’t there she would have used her own chopsticks to force feed him.

When I first married him I did everything from cooking to cleaning to taking the rubbish out and mowing the lawns. He’s better now though there is still room for improvement. Once in awhile that traditional male chauvinism still come through. Last year he told me off for teaching his son how to hem to which I rebutted if I can teach our daughters to put Ikea flat packs together I can very well teach our son to hem.

I do not wish the same for my daughter. I want her to marry someone that is from the same back ground as her. That will value her for her humour, her intelligence and her independence. I did not raise her up to end up being someone’s doormat. I did not raise her up to be a traditional Asian wife. One that stops having a life to be subservient to their husband.

Marriage is hard enough without the difference in culture or backgrounds coming into play.

Fingers crossed she will find her own way. She’s still looking and I am glad, for her choices lately shows she’s thinking about it. About what she wants in a boyfriend and things that she won’t accept in her partner in crime.