I’m up . Woke up from an emotional dream . I woke up crying.

My friend asked me the other day where do you see yourself in 10 years ? Will you still be working ?

I replied I don’t know. The truth is I don’t really know . 

I know my love for hospital pharmacy and well lately it’s been hard . I don’t know if I have the will to carry on. To start over at a new job. To be told what to do by young ones. Especially when I don’t need the money. It changes the way you think.

We discussed about stuff and the topic that came up was how do one live up to expectations ? How do one deal with others’ disappointment of oneself?

Well for one thing life is too short . For the other it’s ours to do as we see fit.

There’s no such thing as being embarrassed that one hasn’t met expectations. Life get in the way. Kids get in the way. Older parents get in the way.

As for me I never had that problem . It doesn’t bother me that I haven’t gotten very far on the ladder. It does bother me though to have a 20 something year old telling me to do things that doesn’t gain anything or seems like a waste of time and effort when there’s a better way of doing it . 

That’s the trade off for not getting anywhere. It’s okie to stay in the one place it’s moving jobs that’s a problem .Coming back to the workforce is a problem also. 

All I can advise her was just go for it. Go for the job you want . Stuff everyone else. 

Now if only I can get myself out of this loser headspace .

I might have to be like Jason and start writing lines.

I’m not a loser.

I’m not a loser.

I’m not a loser.

I’m not a loser.