Today whilst brushing my teeth I realised.

How can you lose something when you didn’t have it in the first place? You can’t right?

I never had my husband. No matter what people say that he loved me. I never felt like I had him.

His family always came first. Then our business. Then the kids.

Guess I was never first and years gone by resentment set in.

It doesn’t excuse my infidelity.

It makes me realise though I’m an affectionate soul and I seek the same.

Sex is nice yes but I love cuddles and intimacy more.

Mr Boardie said to me if I’m seeking love then he’s not it.

I know that. We are upfront about it. I told him I know. I like what we have. He’s safe. He doesn’t want a relationship and neither do I.

It’s like a relationship but no strings attached. It’s comforting in a way. No arguments. No restrictions. Each goes his/her own way and only get together when it suits.

I’m fond of him but it is what it is. I’m scared of single life. He’s like my anchor. He is there for when I need company so I don’t jump into a relationship when I’m not ready. I don’t want to jump in just because I’m lonely and stuff my life up once again.

So it works for now.