I heard our staff tell one of our customer that I’m lucky.

Am lucky because I get to wander the streets and not work? Work ad hoc?

Meanwhile she’s working hard?

To put it into perspective she too doesn’t need to work. Her husband earns a good wage. She has to work because they send their kids to private school. We didn’t.

She prefers to work since she always hang around til 7:30pm instead of going home to her husband and kids. She’s meant to finish at 6pm.

I’m not kind of “lucky” I choose the lifestyle I want and I’ve worked hard to get there.

It’s never luck. It’s always hard work. Guess people don’t see the hard work behind it all. They just assume it’s luck.

I’ve copped that growing up from my family. My parents think I’m a dog yawning flies. It’s a saying in Viet. The dog just sits or lie there and yawn and he’s got food.

They don’t account for my hard work. I’ve had it easy. Everything going my way.

Gosh I didn’t realise I hate it so much. To always have to doubt myself and that whatever I do is it of my own effort? Or effort of others? Or is it luck?

I felt like saying well you don’t know what I am going through at the moment. I’m not lucky you know. I’m getting a divorce. Or may be I am lucky in that regard? No more kids or husband . I’ll be free as a bird. I can take off whenever.

I wrote this months ago. Now that I am living by myself my thinkings have changed.

It is of my very own effort that I am who I am today. Shove it to whoever thinks otherwise.

August 2019

*** trying to clean out my draft folder to regain storage 😩