Feeling a twinge guilty leaving work . Yesterday a colleague came up to me asking for help. 

She asked if I could work for her in April. I apologised and said I can’t as I might not be here. 

Then came the realisation I’ve only got another two weeks at work . With it came the relief of not having to turn up to work.

Was dreading today all week. I’m working for the whole day today . A whole day. 

If it was anywhere else a whole day would be just usual . Like my old work you get morning tea and afternoon tea and work is not full on all day. I loved turning up at work. We had fun. 

Here? From 830-6pm it’s full on. All you get is half an hour break for lunch and no teas. If you’re lucky you get to pop to the loo. 

After the huge relief came the reality. The reality that will I still be employable after taking this break? Or have I inexplicitly imprisoned myself into a life of unemployment? Stay at home wife. One of those ladies that lunches? 

No it’s not glamourous since all my friends work. Thus no one to lunch with. 

The thing is my leg is bothering me . The one I tore my calf muscle last year. It’s also the leg with the worse varicose of the two .

The other reason is hubby is going back to studying as well as managing the business which means I’ll have to start carting more from the business and our household. 

At my last visit to my new GP he cautioned me. He advised me if I am to stay home I need to find myself a routine .Go join a group , go join a gym. 

It’s not like I haven’t been home before. All through my adult life I’ve worked on and off. The luxury of having a hubby that earns enough. 

In turn it meant I could choose to work part time or not at all. It depended on me . 

I took breaks when it got bad. A few years ago I took a break because I hate conflicts . It also coincide with hubby being sick. 

This very last one was also about conflict . I can’t deal with them. I try to get along with everyone but I hate to fight. I’ve always been a lover not a fighter . 

Even if it means I end up at a loss I’d leave every time. People ask me why? Why don’t I stay and fight ?  I just reply life is too short to be miserable .

I don’t regret leaving. I’ve always believed things happen for a reason. I remembered bawling my eyes out leaving that day. I remembered dreading coming into work, having nightmares. 

Now? I’m happier. 

Maybe it was a blessing in disguise after all.