50 shades of men. I’m sure it’s around about there or more. Not terribly proud of my collection. They came and they went. Some stuck around through the years. 

Some wanted more than I can give and some I wanted. Neither outcome was satisfactory.

Meeting J yesterday was a have to in my books. He was one of those I fell heads over heels for. I even asked hubby for a divorce to wait for him. 

He’s the one with the ute, the godawful house and a pair of wandering feet.

He’s the one I was going to do away with my security of a home and family to pursue. He made me felt like a woman . No one in this life have made me felt like that . Making love was making love not sex. Not primal just beautiful. 

And yet yesterday being with him? Felt like our connection was waning . May be it’s because it’s been more than a year of not seeing each other? 

We did good yesterday . Just a couple of mates enjoying time together. We caught up with each other’s news. We creamed each other with sunscreen. His body felt foreign underneath my hands.

J got naughty but only went as far as kissing me and fiddling around . Nothing more nothing less. I knew where he was heading . I told him he’s being naughty to which he laughed. He said he’s behaving himself as he could be even more naughty . And he can with me. 

He knows I’m supposed to be good, be monogamous but he pushes .

It’s not like he hasn’t got girls. He’s only casual with his long term partner now thus he is free. 

Apart from his girls his weakness, J is a really nice guy. He’d go to the end of the earth for people who he cares about . He told me he’s just driven 500km to his sister’s and another 500km back to bale her hay since her contractor bailed out. That’s the person he is. A good person. Just likes girls . One in every port or rather one in every city. 

He reminds me of Paul Young’s song . Wherever I Lay My Hat.