I have two choices..either to remain his wife or be his friend..he doesn’t want me to leave as he still loves me and still wants to care for me..he said I am the love of his life and he doesn’t want anyone else..

The agreement is that our lives go on as normal..except for intimacies..ie no sex..

I have thought long and hard and still can’t decide..the second option is the one I want to choose..that way I can roam freely without the guilt of cheating and still be able to look after him and the kids..

the first option is okie too as I think we still love each other enough to go on and grow old together..what I am worried about is me..I am scared to bits of being roped in..nowhere to move..I have stayed married to him all these years because I have lead a double life..now to go back to one life I don’t know if I can do it..

you know they say if you want it bad enough you’d do anything? I don’t know if I want it bad enough? that’s the problem..

his last words to me..if you keep on gambling with your heart..one day you’ll lose all that you love..

Friday 22/11/2013