He came to meet me at the airport..my first impression of him was..jeez how slack..he had shorts on..a singlet..a sport jacket and sandals..I don’t think he’s ever dressed like this before..unless my memory is wrong..then he told me he has been sick all week..that might explain it..
I took a look at him..he’s very tanned..skinny..and well not the Y I remembered..he’s aged..the slim look didn’t suit him..I prefer my men with a bit of meat on them..
when we finally checked in he asked me if he could come up to my room..sure I said..what happened happened..like usual we made love..I cuddled him yet my arms felt half empty..I tried to smell him yet his scent wasn’t there..the scent that drove me nuts years ago..the scent that I was addicted to..it was gone..
I felt sad after he was gone..sad that I was wrong..the obsession the craziness the jealousy I felt years ago was not there anymore..I do care for him like he for me..but that’s all it is..we are friends..with benefits..but other than that there’s no “love” no magic..no feelings..
I knew when we made love I made love to him like I did the other times..but that feeling of wanting to touch him..wanting to be near him has dissipated..why? I don’t know..I don’t know how it disappeared..is it because when we know someone so well we get disappointed in them? is it because romantic love doesn’t last?
I do not know the answer to that question for I fall in love too easy..and then fall out of love as easy as when I fell in..I do not trust my heart anymore..for it is as fickle as they come..
In the end..may be I did make the right choice..my guy still makes me laugh after 23 years..things happen for a reason..and lately they all point to him..that he is the man worthy of my love..
March 2013