A friend said to me yesterday that he remembered from somewhere there is a saying ‘The end is just a beginning of something else’

In this case the beginning to a friendship. He is right. The only way to be with each other forever is as friends. To be with each other any other way would have not lasted. I have always thought that relationships should not be built on guilt. It should be built on love.

Even if we did everything in our power to be together. It would have been eaten up by guilt and ended in tears.

The last few months have been difficult. I wanted to be with him yet there was no way out. Our families, distance, can’t just uproot a tree and plant it somewhere else and then came the despair. Of knowing you have searched all these years and finally found someone and then cannot be with him tore me apart.

As for him he was riddled with guilt. He even changed the caption on his blog. It’s not like him to be sad. I made him sad when I was suppose to bring him happiness.

He’s wise and he’s courageous. He took a gamble. He’s found a way for us to be together eventhough not in body. I am the weak one. I would have never been able to hurt anyone and in doing so I still hurt them anyway.

We both love each other enough to be friends. We didn’t want to lose each other.

Last night I asked him if he wanted his heart back. He said no. It’s safe where it is in my cupboard locked away with mine

24/10/07

Me: I have a cupboard for everything

Aub: Do you have one for my heart?

Me: Yes, it’s a cupboard complete with a lock

Aub: Just don’t lose the key

Me: hehehe I am throwing the key away

Aub: I’ll be lonely just by myself in that cupboard

Me: That way I get to keep it forever

Aub: That’s so sweet

Me: That cupboard is also where I keep my heart..

Aub: Oh V…

There’s a folder where I keep my writings. This one still pulls at my heart.