Last Saturday we were invited to a wedding..a civil wedding where the couple each wrote their own vows..their own story of how they started out as friends before choosing each other to continue on their journey as man and wife.
I was thinking lucky things to be still feeling butterflies in their belly every time they look at each other then I thought of my own marriage.
We met each other in college, our first meeting was at a Vietnamese Student Association meeting. Yes I got dragged along as one of my friends said I should go. She knew I was single and thus baited me with the line there will be lots of guys there.
Back then I had this romantic notion that my guy, my ideal guy would be pale skin, slim and softly spoken. Of course he had to know how to play the guitar so he can serenade me with his many love songs.
The first guy that stood up to speak was the vice president, now he was cute. Pale skin, slim, softly spoken you get my drift. I remembered telling my friend he’s cute. Her reply was he’s taken V, the president isn’t.
Out came the president, at first sight I was disappointed. He was dark skin,broad with big bones and he was loud LOUD.
I was like no way and yet he spent the next few months wooing me. He did it in all way possible. It seemed like all my so called friends fell for it and in turn played cupids.
One guy actually confided in me that he even told my friend to chase me for him. My friend then sweetly said if I chased you and was successful I’d keep you for myself.
My friends kept on urging me to approach him to borrow past exams. He kept on borrowing my pens day in day out. He finally broke through to me the day he borrowed my lab coat.
For you see the day before that silly scattered brains me had shoved it in the wash with something red and of course I was rewarded with a slightly pink looking lab coat.
I said laughingly you can’t borrow my lab coat? it’s too small and it’s pink. He assured me it doesn’t matter as he can’t go to the prac without one. In the end I gave in, oh well if he wanted to be the clown of the class who am I to say no?
Fast forward to now, 26 years later we are man and wife. I married him because he is a good person. He takes care of all of us. He still makes me laugh with his lame dad jokes and he still finds me sexy after all these years.
The bad bits? We are opposites, we don’t seem to ever be on the same wavelength though it does have it advantages in that we complement each other but living with each other is most frustrating.
On happy days it feels okie. On bad days it feels like after all these years you still don’t get me?
Years ago early on in our marriage I asked him why did he want to pursue marriage with me? someone from a completely different background to his?
His reply was I knew it would be hard. I knew by marrying you we’d have lots of potholes in the road but I am prepared. I’ll look out for them and figure out how to get around them.
I’ve tried to leave the marriage a few times for in my heart I’ve always wanted someone that could understand me and he’s always managed to pull me back.
May be his love is the security blanket I crave for. Someone there for me, someone who will never leave.
May be love is just that, loving someone unconditionally. I think I am still learning. As for marriage ? It is damn hard work. You think you’re on the right track and then something would happen to make you think nope you still haven’t got it right. One day, one day I’ll get it right.