I read a post this morning and it hitted me hard. It kind of jolted me. The questions that entered my head was why? And then how?

How to drag her back? Back to her family. It’s a biggie. I don’t have the solution.

For me? How did he drag me back? He didn’t. I dragged myself back. There are bits that I still haven’t forgiven him. There are bits I know he’d never forgive me and yet here we are yet again. How many times have we pressed pause on our relationship? Only to restart again? I’ve lost count.

This time around we talked more. We also cuddled more, We cuddled every night. As for our marriage? It is what it is. We fight like cats and dogs. We also cared enough for each other to try and make it work. To make it exist.

The bits I haven’t forgiven him still hurts. It hurts every time something comes up that is reminiscent of them. I start thinking here we go again. Nothing has changed.

As for love. What is love? Is it just a figment of our imagination? Does it exist? I don’t think it does. Not true love anyway. For isn’t true love means loving someone wholeheartedly? Loving someone for who they are? The bad, the good and the ugly?

What a lot of bollocks. What a load of crap.

The romantic part of me still protest. Yes it does. It does exist. I’ve seen it with my own eyes.

A husband sobbing as he had to go into the nursing home. Yet he reasoned with himself. Yes he had to go so his wife can get better. She was running herself into the ground trying to look after him.

A wife sitting in bed in hospital worrying about her husband in another hospital going home before her and not going to be able to cope without her. She was fretting. All I could say was you look after yourself and get better real quick so you can go home with him.

A husband coming in to visit his wife every day with a picnic basket. A basket full of magazines for her to read. Their lunch and a thermos filled with tea. We as staff were envious of her and what they shared. Every day he’d turn up without fail, rain, hail or shine.

May be there’s hope after all. May be love does exist after all.