He held back last night. We were going to do the deed. He said he didn’t want me to regret it this morning.

And yes I would regret it hugely. I’m not ready. Don’t think I’ll ever be. Too much riding on the decision.

I feel like I should give him a chance but ..BUT. The big BUTS kind of scares me off.


He’s big and can get bigger-he loves his food

He’s got diabetes-he’s exercising..still

He’s got depression-under control

He’s a control freak

He’s a neat freak

He’s got issues with his parents, well we all do so I’ll let him off that one. But there are triggers where he goes off.

Last night I saw something else. He was asking me to do stuff. Told him you go get it yourself. I’m not your maid. I don’t play fetch.

Can’t tell if he’s joking or not.


He’s got a sense of humour

He’s cute in his big man kind of way.

He can hold an intelligent conversation

He’s flexible to some extent

He tells me he’s a survivor