His and hers. Both well worn.
He came over on Friday night and held me in his arms. He said he didn’t want sex. He wanted to hold me to sleep. I took it as a rejection.
He told me lots of times he didn’t feel good doing it with me. He was worried about catching what I had. And that he’s not going to f…me again until he’s protected.
I was up front right from the start. I am Hep B positive and well it’s not my fault that I got it as a child from my parents.
I had asked him if he has had his shots? And well all this time we’ve done it with a condom. And yet he used this excuse a few times already. It was getting old.
I felt hurt and rejected and cried myself to sleep that night.
When he saw how distressed I was he assured me he’ll get on to it before he leaves for Horsham. He has said that before and well we started dating in January and it’s now June.
He left on Saturday for Horsham and I haven’t seen him since.
Sunday night we talked and he told me he tried but the pathology wasn’t opened on the weekend and that he’ll sort it out whilst he’s in Horsham.
Every time he goes away I feel like he’s pulling away.
Mr Boardie reckons may be he’s the type that doesn’t want the closeness of sex before his trips as it makes it harder. I don’t buy it somehow.
Tuesday night I asked him if he’s done it? And to my amazement he has. He’s gone to get a blood test the day before.
We talked last night and not sure when I’ll see him again. He asked me to visit him and I don’t know if I want to. It’s a 3.5 hours drive and no point going there to just hang around and hardly see him. I wasn’t happy. I told him it’s his turn to visit me. He tells me he’s a dud of a boyfriend. And I agreed.
He also asked me about my feelings for his friend. I’m not sure why? Is he pushing me away? Is he trying to hook me up with his friend because his friend is on the verge of suicidal? He ended the call with missed you..
Him getting a blood test gives me hope. He’s finally committing.
One day at a time. In this uncertainty right now, just time is what is needed ok?
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I know..he doesn’t give me much to go on. I feel unsettled. May be I’m just too insecure. It doesn’t help that he’s never been married.