Can’t seem to get up! Lately been feeling really down.
Mr Wanderer didn’t help. I bawled my eyes out Saturday night. I’d lost hope.
He asked me why I was crying on Sunday when we woke up. So I told him. I told him I’m scared of making another mistake.
One mistake costed me 28 years. I don’t have that many years to go. I think it had to be what my friend said to me in the morning on our walk. She said be careful he’s not a rebound.
I’m still not sure about his feelings for me. For some reason I don’t feel secure in this relationship.
To that he replied you’re amazing. You’re like the most caring, thoughtful person I’ve ever come across.
He apologised for making me upset. It was something stupid! His housemate has somehow set up the TV with Apple TV and well we couldn’t watch it in the lounge room. He then had to try and stream it from his laptop to a TV in the dining area.
He told me off for mucking around with it in the lounge room. I was only trying to help. It’s not like it’s for me. It’s the stupid cycling race he wanted to watch!
I suggested that now that he could stream that we could just take the laptop back to the lounge and plug the HDMI cord to the TV to be more comfortable. He got stroppy with me.
Sunday night he came by early for dinner. That’s like two weeks in a row. He knows I hate it when he’s late! I guess he’s trying to make up to me.
On Monday he took me cycling. I didn’t want to go but I went anyway. It turned out on my last ride my tyres were half flat! No wonder it was such an effort to just do 10km return.
This time it was much easier. We went exploring around the neighbourhood. Then he must have changed his mind and we rode to the gardens. From there we went to St Kilda and then back to Port. In all we did 19km yet I felt okie. My knees didn’t hurt.
After the ride I felt much happier. I was thinking I could do it. I could keep up with him. I didn’t particularly like riding on the road though. Especially when there are multiple lanes and left turning lanes.
I’m not confident or fast enough to push off as yet.
Anyhow may be there’s hope in “us” as yet.
We watched the Minimalists last night. They suggested getting rid of things that don’t bring you joy.
He says he needs to kick his housemate out. But because of COVID he can’t. He’s got to wait til end of lockdown.
Fingers crossed on that one! The guy and his kids are causing Mr Wanderer a lot of stress.
Just enjoy where you are and don’t look for a future yet. With the state of the world, the future is pretty distant. You are stressed from the lock downs, so is he. Be friends and lovers and enjoy.
Yes! I think so! I think we are friends first more than anything. He’s trying.
LikeLiked by 1 person