It goes! I’m in Melbourne this weekend and he’s off somewhere else. I was bawling my eyes out yesterday. He wouldn’t let me join him.

He tells me it will be too rushed and we can’t spend quality time as he’d be helping his cousin with his boat and he’ll be torn who he should be with!

Even though I offered to drive up and back just to give him cuddles.

I asked him what’s the point? I mean I was looking forward all week to seeing him and he’s gone.

Not only that apart from the text I rang him 4 times ..twice on Wednesday night..twice on Thursday night he never picked up! Or returned my calls.

It’s like I don’t exist.

He apologised for just taking off and not think of implications. When we go away it’s really nice. When we are at home it’s awful.

I sent him texts to tell him how I felt.

“Saying I love you doesn’t make you needy. It just means you care a lot about that person.

When you don’t say it back the other person feels like you don’t care. And may be the relationship is not worth pursuing. You plant doubts in their mind”

Because he said he’s never said I love you to any of his girl friends. Only to his mum etc. His excuse..he’s not a lovey dovey kind of guy and he’s never been sure.

I was thinking to myself and you wonder why you’ve had so many failed relationships?

“I don’t say I love you to just any guy. I say it to you because I get you! And when I decided to be with you I’ve been exclusive all along. Yet you still have doubts about me?

I try not to let it show but it hurts that you still wear a condom when we make love.

It’s like you don’t trust me? Like I might be sleeping with someone else behind your back or trying to trick you in having a baby?

As much as I love to procreate a little mini you I can’t have anymore babies! My tubes are tied!

And I would never cheat on you!

You can’t catch Hep B from me. You’re already immunised. Yet you keep on using it as an excuse?

Doesn’t make me feel very secure.

I’d much rather you ditch the condom than say the I love you bit. It will mean a lot to me. More than those 3 words will ever will”

He replied that he gets it! Some days I wonder if his walls will ever come down? If he’s emotionally available at all? And that am I crazy for being with him?

My girlfriends have all told me to give him up. For it’s too much hard work. Yet I pursue because silly me have fallen for him. And part of me still believe that our relationship will work. He did tick my 18 points of requirements.

I should have made it 21 19/ punctuality 20/ not too busy 21/ emotionally available.

Thursday lunch! Covid safe? All disposable! More to landfill!

Donuts from the market. I couldn’t resist.

Dinner with a girl I met whilst on a pub crawl. She is from the UK thus love Indian food.

Then I took her to the beach bar.

Me on the lounger.

Yesterday my kids helped me with the painting. They positioned it so I could mark where the hooks were going to be.

It’s now on the wall.

I also roughly sketched what I wanted. Mr Wanderer has been itching to make something for my clotheslines.

It’s a frame and will sit on top so I can pull the tarp over it for when it rains!

It will put his welder to good use!